paris

In the last weekend I saw someone who wrote his story about moving to Amsterdam on a Classical arabic couch outside an Arabic restaurant. O didn't read the whole story and I think the writer himself didn't aim that, as the story of moving to a new city can't be briefed on a couch, mine would be written on skyscraper building.

After 3 years abroad during corona, the asylum procedure, being sick and being traumatized for years ,I wasn't able to start travelling as usual, even I forget how it feels when my pack my stuffs, arrange everything, making calls and a lot of fun . In stead I fill in my pack yesterday carelessly using a to do list, there are no one waiting for me at the bus stop but luckily some friends waiting on the other side.

I am more spontaneous about traveling ss all places are new, all people are new as well , I feel like the world had been broaden for me and I just have to discover it on my own. I started to enjoy my loneliness besides I am putting my shoes in the situations in which I would be alone.

Being independent is a great benefit of living here but still yet not individual because people will always the ultimate reason to carry on despite I am lonely and alone but I can't deny how people are so important and considered the bottom line and the motive to all my actions.

Once upon time a wise man said, travel you may find your soul company. This time not in Siwa or Dahsb or even sahel but in another continent with different people whilst I'm almost 36 .

I catch the train

All the time I am hearing a train sound, especially at night, and whenever I live I hear that sound. It happened in Egypt and even here in the Netherlands and usually, I prefer to ride the train more than any other public transportation.

I can't count all that I saw or heard on the train but I can say that I enjoy observing people there and wondering how all of us are on board with the same destination and how the butterfly effect can apply a lot in this situation, you could find your soulmate here, you could be trapped with them and a lot of ideas comes to my mind and that's part of the fascinating ride on a train.

1 year ago I was going to my therapist in Amsterdam and we were running after a train at 8 am and for a moment I fell in. Now I can say that I catch my train and restored my life and I feel daily whenever I cycle to my work when I tell people that I am working again. I am above the moon and I am completely satisfied, I won as usual and I know it but it cost me a lot 

Catching this train cost me a lot and still but it was a war that I have to win and I realize peacefully that now this transition state get to an end and I am waiting for the feelings That I had for years in Egypt of boredom and being exhausted but maybe that's the right moment to start a new job, knowing exactly what I do like and start doing it.

another starry night

Amsterdam 

I can not deny that I love this city at night and this home feeling growing and growing till I forget about my hometown. I don't know what particular in Amsterdam makes it a unique city but I do think that it is cozy, liberated, open-minded, and has a lot of allowed sins of arts as well. 

Today I started my voluntary job in a poetry cafe. My colleague is an old nice Dutch woman and she guided me perfectly throughout the night. I did not expect that I can do that. I know that the way was not that easy. It takes everything and I'm tryna pull these wheels back.

I promise myself that I would not give up on my dignity, personality, and self-respect during the asylum process. Today in the morning I had an aggressive conversation with my case manager and she pushed me too much. I felt like she owes me something. I tried to stop her but she was just pushing and I start losing my mind and getting angry. 

This is the cost of that journey, you go to a new country and start all over from the scratch, and out of a sudden you feel like a high-school kid who just join the capital" a university but the paradox is that he is 17 while you are 32.

Struggling and surviving unfair choices is the simplest harsh quote describing life. I thought that once I come through the Mediterranean sea and landed in Europe, everything would be easier than in Egypt but unfortunately, it is harder, and in addition, you are almost alone.

The Dutch guy still talking in Dutch and I'm waiting for the break to carry on with my job. Barely I can understand anything. I hope that I did choose right